Where does cheating start and can I prevent it? How do I find out if my partner cheated and how can I prove it? We answer all important questions about the explosive topic cheating.
Where does cheating start?
The following synonyms can be found under the term "cheating": cheating, committing adultery, having an affair, being unfaithful. But where does infidelity begin? What can be called cheating? These questions can be answered differently by everyone, because everyone has their own tolerance limit. It is closely related to whether a person is generally jealous or not.
In principle, cheating means abuse the partner's trust in sexual terms. The point at which this trust is broken is individual. Some people would call it cheating when their partner visits a strip bar. Others draw the line with 'smooching'. Still others describe just a sexual affair as cheating, and in some relationships a longer affair might be a reason to end the relationship.
Can cheating really be forgiven?
It is possible to forgive an affair, but it is very difficult to restore broken trust. Because in order to build trust, sooner or later you have to give trust in advance that allows your partner to move in situations in which you have no control over him. If you find that you can't stand it without controlling him, you may not be able to forgive him and your relationship will always suffer.
One night stand, affair or new love
Everyone has to decide for themselves what kind of cheating they can forgive or not. Some are able to forgive a one-night-stand, whereas an extended affair is a reason for them to end the relationship. It can also be far more hurtful if the partner has developed feelings for someone else than if it was 'just sex' with them. That too can influence whether an affair is forgiven or not.
Go consistent or leave
If you choose to forgive your partner, you should really forgive him. There is no point in continuing the relationship if the partner feels every day that he has made a mistake. If you can't essentially forgive him or feel the urge to take revenge, this will be reflected - if only subconsciously - in your behavior and still cause the relationship to fail. In this case, you should rather look for a new partner that you can trust.
Cheating: 11 signs of infidelity
Clear signs of cheating are hard to find, since the one who has had an affair probably tries to hide it. But there is evidence of an unfaithful partner that will help you find out if you have been cheated. Always pay attention to atypical behaviors. Has anything changed or has it always been so?
Especially when there are different signs happening at the same time, you have a good reason to suspect. However, it can also happen that if you are very jealous, you think you are seeing things that are not unusual in themselves. For example, if your partner wants to try something new in bed, it doesn't necessarily mean he is cheating on you. So before you assume that he is cheating, you should really be sure.
Your partner always has his smartphone in his hand
Has your partner recently been spending an unusually large amount of time on his smartphone? And does he smile on his phone more often than usual? Watch his behavior. If he doesn't tell you what is so funny or interesting, you should definitely ask. From his more or less detailed answer you can see whether you shouldn't know what he is writing or whether it was a false alarm.
If you want to be sure, stand next to him and say, "What's so funny? Show it." Your partner's reaction can confirm or evaporate your suspicions. Either he shows you who he is chatting with without any problems or he pulls the cell phone away and says something like "It's none of your business" or "Oh nothing."
Your partner leaves the room when calling
A sign of an affair is when your partner nervously leaves the room when getting a call or suddenly speaks quietly and carefully. You shouldn't confuse such behavior with important work discussions, but you can still talk to him about his strange behavior and see how he reacts. In particular, snappy answers or the accusation that you are imagining things can be another indication. If your partner approaches you with understanding and a calm voice, your suspicions should be reduced.
Try to catch a glimpse of his display the next time he is called. Strange contact names can also be a sign of cheating. Pet names, abbreviations or numbers will certainly seem suspicious to you.
His friends are behaving strangely
If your partner has cheated, it may well be that their friends have a guilty conscience or that they do not approve their friend's behavior. If they have known and liked you for a long time, they will be ashamed or nervous in your presence. Maybe they even avoid eye contact. Try to challenge them in such behavior and show them that you have seen through them.
Are your partner's friends particularly cautious and distant from you? And sound their stories harmonized and end abruptly? They definitely want to hide something. That doesn't necessarily mean that your partner cheated. Maybe he was just flirting or they're trying to protect another friend. Nevertheless, you should check with your partner in private again.
Your sex life has changed
Changes in your sex life can also indicate cheating. Those who cheat learn new opportunities to be intimate with each other. So if your partner suddenly comes up with ideas that he has never spoken of before or only wants to have sex with you in a certain way, it could be that he has learned this from his affair.
You should also pay attention if your partner suddenly no longer wants to have sex with you. If he has an affair, he may get fulfilling sex from her and no longer need it.
Your partner suddenly has a 'secret' hobby
New interests can always develop in the course of life. But if your partner suddenly has a hobby that you could never imagine with him in life and he doesn't tell you anything about it, it can be a sign of cheating.
The advantage for the person who cheats is clearly in the regularity of his hobby. Either he really goes there and spends time with his affair unnoticed or the hobby is even thought out and the two do something completely different. If your partner tells little or nothing about his new hobby, you should check back. Either he is silent because he has a guilty feeling, because all the stories are connected to his affair, or he tells you nothing because there is no real hobby at all.
Your partner is more generous and loving than usual
Generosity and a loving nature are not automatically signs that your partner is cheating. Maybe he's just in a good mood or trying to make you happy because you had a bad day. However, if this generosity persists over a longer period of time and your partner pays much more attention to you than usual, it may be that he is cheating.
This behavior arises from his guilty conscience and is intended to compensate for his deliberate wrongdoing. He knows he is cheating and hurting you, but he doesn't want to lose you and show you that he still loves you. That's why he overwhelms you with gifts and suddenly wants to make everything right for you. Gifts and love letters can also act as diversions so that you don't ask where he was last night.
Your partner has a new styling
There may be a suspicion of infidelity if your partner suddenly has a new style. The clothing style reveals a lot about a person and if changes occur here, it usually also indicates changes in life. Men in particular rarely change their fashion taste on their own.
It could be that there is a new person in his life who is important and who gives advice on his styling. Another possibility is that your partner suddenly dresses up more than usual or applies a lot of perfume. He seems to want to particularly attract someone.
Secrets and omission of information can be a sign of cheating, but extensive reporting should also make you skeptical. Unusually detailed explanations why your partner comes home later today or not at all are suspicious.
Does he report exactly what he did and who said what? And is that something he never did before? He has something to hide. A controlled and information overloaded narrative behavior always has the function of covering something else. Ask him questions that could get him into trouble.
Hidden bills and unusual expenses
If you have a shared account, it is relatively easy to track what your partner spent his money on. If you find a hotel on the bank statement or if he regularly visits a restaurant that he says nothing about, it could mean that he is cheating.
It is the same with bills that suddenly disappear. If the mobile phone bill is suddenly gone, although it was otherwise always with all other bills, you could also suspect. Talk to your partner about this before you blame him.
More self-confidence and motivation
An affair can abruptly create new self-confidence. The feeling of being attractive gives you a new look at yourself and you feel more up to life. This can also affect motivation. If your partner suddenly does more sports or accelerates at work and apparently for no reason, you should carefully follow his mood change.
A guilty conscience: irritable behavior and evasion
Unusual extreme behavior of any kind is an indication of a change in your partner's life. If his affair does not end in a good mood and self-confidence and he really regrets it, his mood may change to the opposite. He is then irritable and escapes from intensive discussions with you. He is ashamed and feels bad.
The trigger for his behavior: he cannot talk to you, probably his most important caregiver, about the fact that he is not doing well. He has to hide it from you and therefore projects his anger on himself onto you. A little question from you can make him troubled and angry. Talk to him about his strange behavior.